1 00:00:05,655 --> 00:00:07,715 [Abby] Previously on Work in Progress... 2 00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:09,505 [Dr. Oh] If something comes up during the week 3 00:00:09,568 --> 00:00:11,128 that you'd like to talk about, 4 00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:13,314 or you don't understand, just jot it down. 5 00:00:13,330 --> 00:00:15,740 [Grace] Everything's fine, everything's okay. 6 00:00:15,799 --> 00:00:17,469 Go back downstairs, okay? 7 00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:20,645 Grandpa and I loved this album, 8 00:00:20,670 --> 00:00:22,520 and we'd listen to it all the time. 9 00:00:22,581 --> 00:00:24,361 I just wish you were around more. 10 00:00:24,416 --> 00:00:26,156 Killed any therapists lately? 11 00:00:26,176 --> 00:00:27,136 -[laughs] -[Abby] Okay... 12 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:28,690 Hey, man. 13 00:00:28,754 --> 00:00:30,334 Six fucking feet. 14 00:00:30,347 --> 00:00:31,657 [whispering] It's your father. 15 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:33,823 Dad? 16 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,414 [Edward] Hey, kid. 17 00:00:49,366 --> 00:00:51,876 I think it was this one time 18 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,716 when I was really sick... 19 00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:57,556 I think it was strep, I'm not sure, 20 00:00:57,616 --> 00:01:01,006 but I had a really high fever, and... 21 00:01:01,453 --> 00:01:04,403 my mom just held me. 22 00:01:04,456 --> 00:01:07,546 We were in this old blue, upholstered, 23 00:01:07,610 --> 00:01:12,140 ugly as fuck rocking chair that we had, um, 24 00:01:12,889 --> 00:01:15,529 just waiting for the fever to go down. 25 00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:19,370 Through the scariest part of the night, 26 00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:22,747 her hand on my forehead. 27 00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:26,901 Either that or the one time I missed Halloween, 28 00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:29,572 and she took me out trick-or-treating the next day. 29 00:01:29,632 --> 00:01:32,592 [woman over PA] Dr. Carter to psychiatric services. 30 00:01:37,397 --> 00:01:39,137 I was a skeleton. 31 00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:41,159 And Mom made the costume. 32 00:01:41,218 --> 00:01:43,488 Uh, she had sewn white bones on 33 00:01:43,554 --> 00:01:47,064 this old black PJs that I had. 34 00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:49,902 What about your dad? 35 00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:52,494 What about-- what about him? 36 00:01:55,415 --> 00:01:57,315 Abby McEnany? 37 00:01:57,918 --> 00:01:58,988 Just follow me. 38 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,290 [Abby] He wasn't there. 39 00:02:01,347 --> 00:02:04,117 He was never fucking there. 40 00:02:04,683 --> 00:02:07,633 [Dr. Franklin] There's not one memory you can think of? 41 00:02:08,445 --> 00:02:09,905 I know that brain of yours 42 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,010 -has already pinpointed... -[Nurse] Thank you. 43 00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:13,576 ...which journal. 44 00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:14,924 Which box. 45 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,005 Okay. 46 00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:18,620 My father was around sometimes. 47 00:02:18,681 --> 00:02:21,941 But he was also not around a lot. 48 00:02:21,958 --> 00:02:24,848 And if you're looking for some proof that he was around... 49 00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:26,352 We're not. 50 00:02:26,613 --> 00:02:30,363 This is about experiential, formative touchstones. 51 00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,947 The moments, the places, 52 00:02:32,969 --> 00:02:37,779 the people that shaped the way you see yourself in the world. 53 00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:42,449 The memories that come back to you when you think, 54 00:02:43,889 --> 00:02:45,039 "Who am I? 55 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:47,499 Who made me me? 56 00:02:48,985 --> 00:02:51,495 Why am I the way I am?" 57 00:03:11,417 --> 00:03:12,817 Hey, Dad. 58 00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:15,033 Hello, daughter. 59 00:03:27,524 --> 00:03:28,874 Hey, Dad. 60 00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:30,926 You got somethin'... 61 00:03:30,994 --> 00:03:32,164 on your face. 62 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:33,509 Ooh... 63 00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:35,180 I got something on my face, huh? 64 00:03:35,198 --> 00:03:36,268 Yup. 65 00:03:36,333 --> 00:03:37,443 -Did I get it? -All right. 66 00:03:37,501 --> 00:03:38,551 How about now? 67 00:03:38,610 --> 00:03:39,880 You fuckin' idiot. 68 00:03:39,945 --> 00:03:40,995 No. [chuckles] 69 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,721 Jesus. 70 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,774 Good donut, right? 71 00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:48,019 The best. 72 00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:55,904 This place seems... 73 00:03:55,961 --> 00:03:57,201 nice. 74 00:03:57,220 --> 00:03:58,530 [scoffs] 75 00:04:03,393 --> 00:04:04,863 So? 76 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,748 What do you want to know? 77 00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:11,749 Come on, Dad. There's a reason you asked to see me, 78 00:04:11,810 --> 00:04:14,290 and not Alison or Carol Lynn. 79 00:04:14,554 --> 00:04:16,394 Well, I'm your father. 80 00:04:16,406 --> 00:04:18,966 I should be looking after you. 81 00:04:20,243 --> 00:04:21,933 Jesus. 82 00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:25,247 Dr. Edward Claire McEnany, 83 00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:29,247 I am a 46-year-old human adult. 84 00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:31,051 Well, I... [clears throat] 85 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,611 I never thought or... 86 00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:36,151 never believed that 87 00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:39,240 I would end up here. 88 00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:42,107 But what I mean to say is 89 00:04:42,174 --> 00:04:45,744 I wasn't planning on botching things up 90 00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:50,084 and being here right now. 91 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,921 Well, luckily for us, 92 00:04:52,942 --> 00:04:56,462 environmentally-friendly cars are not in your wheelhouse. 93 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,577 Damn newfangled cars. 94 00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:00,578 They don't make 'em like they used to. 95 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,760 Whatever happened to dependability? 96 00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:06,637 Dad, they are dependable. 97 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,181 Just not the way that you had hoped. 98 00:05:13,296 --> 00:05:14,766 Okay. 99 00:05:17,543 --> 00:05:19,153 So... 100 00:05:21,455 --> 00:05:23,525 what do I want to know? 101 00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:28,286 I have no idea. 102 00:05:31,890 --> 00:05:34,830 Okay, Dad, why don't we think about it this way? 103 00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:37,642 What would you say to me 104 00:05:37,654 --> 00:05:39,844 if you were the one here visiting me 105 00:05:39,898 --> 00:05:42,228 after I had tried to kill myself? 106 00:05:42,292 --> 00:05:43,882 You'd want me to get help. 107 00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:48,394 See doctors, try meds, anything that would help me get better. 108 00:05:48,648 --> 00:05:50,558 [imitating Edward] "It's your health, kid." 109 00:05:52,077 --> 00:05:53,987 -Yeah, but... -But what? 110 00:05:54,003 --> 00:05:55,673 I don't understand the difference. 111 00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:57,521 Are you saying it's different because you have 112 00:05:57,583 --> 00:05:59,863 some big career and a family? 113 00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:04,353 No. 114 00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:06,006 You need help. 115 00:06:06,850 --> 00:06:09,520 [scoffs] And if you're too ashamed to get it, 116 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:12,248 you're just gonna end up back here, 117 00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:14,866 or alone in some hybrid. 118 00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:20,599 Dad, I love you, 119 00:06:20,664 --> 00:06:22,334 and your family loves you, 120 00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:25,219 and we are not ashamed of this or you. 121 00:06:28,037 --> 00:06:30,017 The only thing we're thinking about is figuring out 122 00:06:30,039 --> 00:06:32,769 what we can do to keep you alive. 123 00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:40,605 Okay, how? 124 00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:43,198 I can't tell you that. 125 00:06:43,219 --> 00:06:46,019 You just told me I needed to forgive my dad. 126 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,799 Abby, I said finding a way to forgive him 127 00:06:48,859 --> 00:06:51,369 would be beneficial to you. 128 00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:56,397 I... can't. 129 00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:58,880 He's ashamed of my fatness. 130 00:06:58,902 --> 00:07:02,152 He believed that no one could ever fall in love with me. 131 00:07:02,205 --> 00:07:04,975 I'll have you know I was not born a self-loathing, 132 00:07:05,041 --> 00:07:06,391 whiny cunt. Okay? 133 00:07:06,409 --> 00:07:08,379 I come by it very honestly. 134 00:07:09,045 --> 00:07:12,895 Abby, did you ever think of the possibility 135 00:07:12,916 --> 00:07:15,266 that your father was afraid? 136 00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,940 Oh, look at that. We're almost out of time. 137 00:07:18,997 --> 00:07:22,497 Dad, do you remember sitting with me in my intake interview 138 00:07:22,559 --> 00:07:25,389 for that OCD FDA drug trial? 139 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,782 And you heard me tell 140 00:07:27,839 --> 00:07:30,119 that psychiatrist at Berkeley 141 00:07:31,601 --> 00:07:34,271 about all the shit that was going on in my brain 142 00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:37,619 and how I was anxious every single moment? 143 00:07:39,518 --> 00:07:41,288 And... 144 00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:45,579 my hands were bloody because I'd washed them raw. 145 00:07:46,525 --> 00:07:50,795 That's the only time I can remember when I spoke, 146 00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:54,681 and you didn't say a word. 147 00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,760 Which I'm sure was very difficult-- 148 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,268 -Very difficult, yes. -[chuckles] Right. 149 00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,969 But I remember... 150 00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:07,317 looking straight ahead at that doctor 151 00:08:07,379 --> 00:08:10,659 and not ever looking at you because I was so scared. 152 00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:14,808 Because I told him that I wanted to kill myself. 153 00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:18,611 And at the end, I looked at you and you had tears in your eyes. 154 00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,671 And... 155 00:08:20,726 --> 00:08:23,036 I felt like for the first time in... 156 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,805 our relationship that you heard me and really understood. 157 00:08:28,825 --> 00:08:30,395 [breathes shakily] 158 00:08:30,460 --> 00:08:32,550 [Edward] Well, I have a feeling I'll be forced to 159 00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:33,962 face that at some point. 160 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,960 All right, we're gonna try this again. 161 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,672 -We're going to... -Re-frame. 162 00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:39,166 Re-frame, thank you. 163 00:08:39,228 --> 00:08:42,748 You have been given this amazing gift to finally confront 164 00:08:42,806 --> 00:08:43,966 all of your shit. 165 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,820 Ooh... ladies and gentlemen... 166 00:08:46,843 --> 00:08:48,743 And gender-queers and nonbinary folx. 167 00:08:48,995 --> 00:08:50,185 Yes, what she said. 168 00:08:50,255 --> 00:08:52,825 Introducing therapy's hype woman. 169 00:08:52,849 --> 00:08:56,169 Holy shit, I would fuckin' kill that job. 170 00:08:56,185 --> 00:08:58,185 [Abby] Remember when we were in Boston, 171 00:08:58,247 --> 00:09:01,037 on the rare weekend day you'd be home, 172 00:09:01,099 --> 00:09:03,009 and you'd be so tired 173 00:09:03,026 --> 00:09:05,766 that you would take these long-ass naps. 174 00:09:05,829 --> 00:09:08,839 And you be fuckin' lying there... 175 00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:12,854 arm over your eyes, mouth wide open 176 00:09:12,869 --> 00:09:15,509 with a little bit of drool right here. 177 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,009 [chuckles] 178 00:09:18,875 --> 00:09:20,515 Hey, Dad. 179 00:09:21,210 --> 00:09:22,230 Dad? 180 00:09:22,287 --> 00:09:24,597 What's wrong? I love that memory. 181 00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:27,234 Well, I-- I look at Mike. 182 00:09:27,292 --> 00:09:29,902 I wish I'd been there for you and Aly, 183 00:09:29,961 --> 00:09:32,631 the way Mike is for 184 00:09:32,689 --> 00:09:34,739 Meg and Matty. 185 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,570 Yeah, Mike is an amazing dad. 186 00:09:36,635 --> 00:09:39,235 And you also were never home. 187 00:09:40,639 --> 00:09:42,899 But because of your hard work, 188 00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:44,698 you paid for my college 189 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:46,287 and I'm not up to my neck in debt. 190 00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:49,753 I always had a roof over my head, food on the table, 191 00:09:49,815 --> 00:09:50,975 clothes on my back. 192 00:09:51,041 --> 00:09:53,061 And Dad, when I got sick, 193 00:09:53,076 --> 00:09:55,386 you and Mom had the means... 194 00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:59,384 to find me care. 195 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,929 And to pay for that care, 196 00:10:02,919 --> 00:10:05,269 and if you didn't, 197 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,944 I wouldn't be here talking to you today. 198 00:10:12,838 --> 00:10:15,158 Now I understand why we were always moving. 199 00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:18,575 Was that hard? I... know it was hard. 200 00:10:18,601 --> 00:10:20,291 It's not like I ever asked. 201 00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:23,788 Actually, Dad, studies show that 202 00:10:23,849 --> 00:10:25,849 a lack of stability in a kid's life 203 00:10:25,909 --> 00:10:27,959 does wonders for them. 204 00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:30,235 [chuckles] Look at me. 205 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,523 -[school bell rings] -Hello, class. 206 00:10:32,582 --> 00:10:36,302 I'd like to introduce you to your newest classmate. 207 00:10:36,361 --> 00:10:37,441 Her name is Abby. 208 00:10:37,453 --> 00:10:39,183 And she's moved all the way from-- 209 00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:40,589 Columbus, Ohio. 210 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,137 Providence, Rhode Island. 211 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:45,190 Jolly, jolly, jolly old London! 212 00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:48,152 [student] Hi, Abby. 213 00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:52,316 The uprooting was hard. 214 00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:54,192 Realizing there were so many friends 215 00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:56,494 you were never gonna see again. 216 00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:59,461 Hold on a second. 217 00:10:59,475 --> 00:11:03,485 I spent the night at your house once, right? 218 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,050 But for the life of me, 219 00:11:05,115 --> 00:11:06,865 I can't remember your name. 220 00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:09,133 It's Meaghan Jones. 221 00:11:09,152 --> 00:11:09,972 Hmm. 222 00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:11,799 No, nothin'. 223 00:11:11,821 --> 00:11:13,141 You owe me a dime. 224 00:11:13,156 --> 00:11:15,056 I don't owe you a dime. 225 00:11:15,125 --> 00:11:17,455 You owe me a dime, bitch! 226 00:11:18,069 --> 00:11:20,479 [whispers] This is getting to be embarrassing. 227 00:11:20,496 --> 00:11:22,716 [whispering] Well, it's gonna get a lot worse 228 00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:24,682 so buckle up, sweetness. 229 00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:27,314 [Abby] Yeah, Dad, it was hard. 230 00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:29,637 But it doesn't matter. 231 00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:32,016 If it did do one thing, 232 00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:34,572 I think it helped my ability 233 00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:36,988 to reset and rebuild, 234 00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:41,319 see beyond endings. 235 00:11:42,761 --> 00:11:44,501 You know, maybe... 236 00:11:44,763 --> 00:11:46,663 just a little. 237 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,003 I was sorry to hear about you and Chris. 238 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,090 Aly told me a bit. 239 00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:56,668 Thanks. 240 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,201 He seemed nice. 241 00:12:00,262 --> 00:12:01,892 He was. 242 00:12:03,022 --> 00:12:04,682 What--what happened? 243 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,561 Okay. [exhales] 244 00:12:13,124 --> 00:12:14,944 There was this bitch at work who gave me 245 00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:17,361 a fuckin' jug of almonds. 246 00:12:20,556 --> 00:12:23,196 [ominous music playing] 247 00:12:47,083 --> 00:12:48,493 And I was standing there. 248 00:12:48,551 --> 00:12:50,421 I was-- I was looking at the almond. 249 00:12:50,479 --> 00:12:53,829 And I just wanted to hurl it as far as I could, 250 00:12:53,890 --> 00:12:56,070 and walk out into traffic. 251 00:12:58,745 --> 00:13:01,395 But I didn't want to be this shattered bag of bones 252 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:05,664 in one of those full-body casts that you see in the cartoons. 253 00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:09,749 And then this random guy walked right up to me on the street. 254 00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:12,924 Are you supposed to be like 255 00:13:12,942 --> 00:13:15,752 one of those robot statues or something? 256 00:13:16,521 --> 00:13:17,521 What? 257 00:13:17,580 --> 00:13:20,300 But my brain was completely fried. 258 00:13:20,358 --> 00:13:21,918 And then he was all... 259 00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:24,434 Uh, you gonna eat that? 260 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:26,788 No. 261 00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:29,178 So I wandered home... 262 00:13:30,109 --> 00:13:31,179 Suit yourself. 263 00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:34,154 I was like, discombobulated. 264 00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:38,268 And I thought I knew what was going to happen. 265 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,444 What I was gonna do. 266 00:13:41,637 --> 00:13:45,377 [scoffs] But this pipe burst in my apartment 267 00:13:45,441 --> 00:13:47,161 and ruined like all my journals, 268 00:13:47,218 --> 00:13:49,438 so I had to move them that night. 269 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,872 By the time I got back home, I was wrecked. 270 00:13:52,131 --> 00:13:54,781 And my brain just shut down. 271 00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,801 It's like that 272 00:13:56,819 --> 00:13:59,299 extra almond 273 00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:02,469 threw everything out of whack. 274 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:09,568 It broke the pattern just enough. 275 00:14:10,408 --> 00:14:14,188 And then the next day, Campbell's dog Ethel died. 276 00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:16,168 She moved in with me. 277 00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:17,561 She's my best friend, Dad. 278 00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:20,314 There we were holding each other up. 279 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:23,916 But we didn't know exactly how we were even doing that. 280 00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:26,857 It's like all this random shit 281 00:14:26,925 --> 00:14:28,755 that kept happening to me 282 00:14:28,818 --> 00:14:30,078 was keeping me alive. 283 00:14:30,336 --> 00:14:32,076 Get the fuck out, you fucking cunt dog. 284 00:14:32,322 --> 00:14:34,582 Oh my God. What a little bitch. Excuse me. 285 00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:38,531 And Campbell and I, like, fell into this routine and 286 00:14:38,587 --> 00:14:40,657 all of a sudden, 287 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,670 that was it. 288 00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:47,216 One day, I couldn't see into tomorrow, 289 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,717 and then I could. 290 00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:57,187 I'm so sorry that I didn't know... 291 00:14:57,213 --> 00:14:59,523 what a hard time you've been having. 292 00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:02,897 When he dumped me... 293 00:15:02,961 --> 00:15:05,241 he said I was a lot. 294 00:15:06,965 --> 00:15:08,695 And he's not wrong. 295 00:15:12,378 --> 00:15:15,368 Well, your mom almost left me a couple of times. 296 00:15:16,641 --> 00:15:17,921 Really? 297 00:15:18,476 --> 00:15:21,246 I'm not that easy to be with either. 298 00:15:29,654 --> 00:15:30,654 Fuck! 299 00:15:30,713 --> 00:15:32,143 [exhales sharply] 300 00:15:33,825 --> 00:15:35,385 [chewing] 301 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:47,896 Hey, Mom. 302 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:49,784 Oh... 303 00:15:50,508 --> 00:15:51,598 Abby? 304 00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:53,100 What time is it? 305 00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:55,451 I'm sorry. I'm a bit late. 306 00:15:57,106 --> 00:15:58,826 Did you see your father out there? 307 00:16:00,109 --> 00:16:01,579 Dad? 308 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:03,795 No. 309 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,415 Okay. 310 00:16:08,451 --> 00:16:10,641 Well, go get some sleep, dear. 311 00:16:12,530 --> 00:16:15,110 [Abby] I had always thought those walks were 312 00:16:15,124 --> 00:16:18,434 because of stress or insomnia. 313 00:16:18,961 --> 00:16:20,641 Well, 314 00:16:20,705 --> 00:16:21,595 that's part of it, 315 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,314 but just a small part. 316 00:16:23,374 --> 00:16:25,284 When did this all start? 317 00:16:25,301 --> 00:16:27,191 [exhales] 318 00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:31,821 Long time ago, 15, 16 years old. 319 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,833 Back in Missoula, 320 00:16:35,887 --> 00:16:37,637 [exhales] 321 00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:39,796 it came on pretty hard. 322 00:16:39,815 --> 00:16:42,295 And I did this thing where I used to take... 323 00:16:42,318 --> 00:16:44,138 [exhales] 324 00:16:44,153 --> 00:16:46,673 take long walks after school, 325 00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:48,896 dinner, homework, 326 00:16:48,958 --> 00:16:50,808 chores, whatever. 327 00:16:50,826 --> 00:16:52,506 [exhales] 328 00:16:52,570 --> 00:16:54,850 I needed to get out of the house. 329 00:16:54,906 --> 00:16:58,676 Just get away, you know. 330 00:16:59,668 --> 00:17:02,348 And each night, I'd go further and further. 331 00:17:04,249 --> 00:17:06,729 Let the lights from town 332 00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:08,403 recede a little bit more. 333 00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:12,825 I fantasized about some accident happening to me, 334 00:17:12,848 --> 00:17:16,648 like falling off a cliff or getting hit by a car, or... 335 00:17:17,262 --> 00:17:18,872 attacked by an animal or something. 336 00:17:18,930 --> 00:17:23,710 And I'd come back some nights with borderline hypothermia. 337 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:27,550 I was obsessed with disappearing. 338 00:17:28,514 --> 00:17:32,344 I ached to blink out of existence. 339 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,170 What happened? 340 00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:38,278 Dad's liver failed and... 341 00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:41,118 your grandmother packed us all up, 342 00:17:41,177 --> 00:17:43,027 moved to Minneapolis. 343 00:17:43,045 --> 00:17:45,095 Flight instinct. 344 00:17:45,714 --> 00:17:47,614 And remember, this was not too far off 345 00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:51,127 from when her brother shot himself. 346 00:17:51,187 --> 00:17:53,607 I think she shoved me 347 00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:57,473 into every extracurricular activity that she could find. 348 00:17:57,527 --> 00:18:00,537 Thought it would distract me from, you know, 349 00:18:00,563 --> 00:18:03,463 what went on with my dad and my uncle. 350 00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:05,536 But what it did was... 351 00:18:06,235 --> 00:18:09,295 it gave me something to... 352 00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,462 distract me 353 00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:13,755 from myself. 354 00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:18,732 Which was pretty precarious, 355 00:18:18,747 --> 00:18:21,887 and at times untenable, but... 356 00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:25,590 it worked. 357 00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:29,477 And it was like that through med school. 358 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:31,783 Actually... 359 00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,742 it's always been like that. 360 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,411 [exhales] 361 00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:43,290 Jesus, Dad. 362 00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:48,588 [muffled] Well, I remember the time your mother and I 363 00:18:48,611 --> 00:18:50,291 were taking this long trip... 364 00:18:50,355 --> 00:18:52,835 Dad, I cannot understand you. 365 00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:55,799 And that fancy-ass plaque-fighting fluoride 366 00:18:55,860 --> 00:18:59,030 foaming out of your damn mouth is not helping. 367 00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:00,270 [muffled] Sorry. 368 00:19:00,289 --> 00:19:01,439 [chuckles] You're such an idiot. 369 00:19:01,457 --> 00:19:03,697 [muffles] Now I'm an idiot? 370 00:19:03,759 --> 00:19:04,869 This is not news. 371 00:19:04,927 --> 00:19:07,187 I've been telling you that for years. 372 00:19:07,446 --> 00:19:08,446 [sighs] 373 00:19:08,464 --> 00:19:10,214 Why do they hate me, Grace? 374 00:19:10,266 --> 00:19:11,776 [chuckles] 375 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,280 [Steve Martin speaking indistinctly on record player] 376 00:19:13,302 --> 00:19:15,442 [both laugh] 377 00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:20,468 [Steve Martin on radio] I'm not trying to brag, 378 00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:22,215 I'm not trying to be a big shot. 379 00:19:22,278 --> 00:19:24,278 I have the, you know, that, uh... 380 00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:25,806 quality great comedians have, 381 00:19:25,874 --> 00:19:27,654 and I'm talking about the one element 382 00:19:27,709 --> 00:19:30,969 that is crucial to all delivery of comedy material. 383 00:19:30,986 --> 00:19:33,636 I'm talking about, of course... 384 00:19:33,656 --> 00:19:35,836 [all] Timing, timing, timing! 385 00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:39,340 [laugh] 386 00:19:40,646 --> 00:19:43,126 -[both] I feel good tonight. -Night! 387 00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,819 [chuckles] 388 00:19:45,834 --> 00:19:47,804 [Abby and Steve] Timing is very important. 389 00:19:48,504 --> 00:19:51,904 [Abby] Well, I have another surprise for you. 390 00:19:53,084 --> 00:19:54,174 Another gift? 391 00:19:54,235 --> 00:19:55,505 Oh, I'm sorry. 392 00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:56,830 You thought... 393 00:19:56,845 --> 00:19:58,505 I was giving you the speaker? 394 00:19:58,573 --> 00:19:59,663 You're a fuckin' idiot. 395 00:19:59,682 --> 00:20:00,762 This is Bluetooth, Dad. 396 00:20:00,816 --> 00:20:02,676 And you would never get it. 397 00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:04,094 What a rip. 398 00:20:04,153 --> 00:20:05,693 [Abby] All right. 399 00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:08,657 This thing is the thing I'm giving you. 400 00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:11,678 The very first therapist 401 00:20:11,694 --> 00:20:13,494 I ever really connected with 402 00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:15,772 was Dr. Oh. 403 00:20:15,831 --> 00:20:19,031 She gave me a toy, just this little thing. 404 00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:21,433 But it became 405 00:20:22,447 --> 00:20:23,667 a touchstone. 406 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:26,869 Almost like a religious icon for me. 407 00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:28,355 And if I held it, 408 00:20:28,377 --> 00:20:31,207 and really concentrated on it, 409 00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:33,856 it helped calm my mind. 410 00:20:34,550 --> 00:20:36,790 I... I think I understand. 411 00:20:36,852 --> 00:20:40,112 So I wanted to give you something like that. 412 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,861 Just to remind you... 413 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,407 you are not alone, 414 00:20:47,472 --> 00:20:51,082 and show you that you can get to tomorrow. 415 00:20:56,555 --> 00:20:57,455 Volume one. 416 00:20:57,723 --> 00:20:59,483 Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. 417 00:20:59,542 --> 00:21:00,802 Wow. 418 00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:03,994 My little lady. 419 00:21:04,046 --> 00:21:05,056 What can I say? 420 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:06,380 I was a little bit obsessed. 421 00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:08,768 -[chuckles] -I am still workin' on it. 422 00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:11,081 [Edward] This was Christmas. 423 00:21:11,145 --> 00:21:13,265 [Abby] Oh, my skeleton costume. 424 00:21:13,331 --> 00:21:14,601 [Edward] Yeah. 425 00:21:14,665 --> 00:21:17,755 That was, uh, an unusual phase. 426 00:21:17,819 --> 00:21:19,779 I'm not sure you'd call it a phase. 427 00:21:19,837 --> 00:21:23,057 I mean, I was the president of my kindergarten nihilism club. 428 00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:24,612 Forty years later, 429 00:21:24,675 --> 00:21:26,485 and you still can't pronounce the word. 430 00:21:26,752 --> 00:21:28,832 Mm. Sticks, that one. 431 00:21:29,088 --> 00:21:30,828 I remember that Halloween, you were, uh, 432 00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:33,440 you were sick that Halloween with an ear infection 433 00:21:33,501 --> 00:21:34,831 or something. 434 00:21:35,094 --> 00:21:36,794 We let you trick-or-treat the next day. 435 00:21:36,854 --> 00:21:39,464 What the fuck are you talking about? 436 00:21:39,524 --> 00:21:41,104 You weren't there. 437 00:21:41,116 --> 00:21:42,576 The hell I wasn't! 438 00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:46,121 Who do you think provided all of those full-sized Nutty Creams? 439 00:21:46,180 --> 00:21:47,860 Are you serious? 440 00:21:47,923 --> 00:21:49,203 I had no idea. 441 00:21:49,258 --> 00:21:51,028 You were an easy mark. 442 00:21:51,093 --> 00:21:52,283 I was trusting. 443 00:21:52,294 --> 00:21:54,454 Not anymore. Now I know why. 444 00:21:54,463 --> 00:21:57,213 So you went to all the houses ahead of me then? 445 00:21:57,266 --> 00:21:58,976 Well, you didn't think it was weird 446 00:21:59,043 --> 00:22:01,713 that they all gave you full-sized Nutty Creams? 447 00:22:01,771 --> 00:22:04,961 I thought it was weird the first couple times they did it. 448 00:22:04,973 --> 00:22:07,203 But the rest gave me fucking oranges. 449 00:22:07,460 --> 00:22:08,720 That shit was heavy. 450 00:22:08,778 --> 00:22:11,448 Well, how was I supposed to know you'd keep going? 451 00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:12,893 Are you kidding? 452 00:22:12,948 --> 00:22:14,888 They're full-sized Nutty Creams! 453 00:22:14,950 --> 00:22:17,390 Well, I only bought a couple of candy bars. 454 00:22:17,453 --> 00:22:18,883 I had to think on my feet. 455 00:22:19,138 --> 00:22:22,458 I was hoping all those oranges would slow you down. 456 00:22:23,051 --> 00:22:26,721 That costume was a funny thing to fixate on. 457 00:22:26,979 --> 00:22:28,629 You know, I didn't give it much thought 458 00:22:28,847 --> 00:22:31,847 until you made me widen the mouth 459 00:22:31,909 --> 00:22:35,169 on the mask so that you could wear it every day. 460 00:22:35,229 --> 00:22:36,849 [Abby chuckles] Yeah. 461 00:22:36,914 --> 00:22:39,864 [Edward]I mean, talk about Fellini-esque. 462 00:22:39,917 --> 00:22:42,147 I totally remember that. 463 00:22:42,737 --> 00:22:44,687 It was around then that... 464 00:22:44,755 --> 00:22:47,155 I started to sense that... 465 00:22:48,593 --> 00:22:49,993 you were like me. 466 00:22:51,095 --> 00:22:53,685 And even though that broke my heart, 467 00:22:54,373 --> 00:22:57,333 I was glad that we were in the same boat. 468 00:22:58,710 --> 00:23:00,040 Dad, 469 00:23:00,771 --> 00:23:01,881 you're gonna be all right. 470 00:23:01,939 --> 00:23:03,089 You're gonna get through this. 471 00:23:03,349 --> 00:23:05,339 And I'm gonna be here. 472 00:23:07,870 --> 00:23:10,600 I... I don't think I can do this. 473 00:23:11,449 --> 00:23:14,219 Dad, yes, you can. 474 00:23:14,285 --> 00:23:15,675 Abby... 475 00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:18,896 Listen to me. 476 00:23:19,532 --> 00:23:20,732 Hour by hour, 477 00:23:20,791 --> 00:23:22,571 you get through the day. 478 00:23:23,552 --> 00:23:24,902 Okay? 479 00:23:27,873 --> 00:23:29,573 It's gonna be all right. 480 00:23:29,634 --> 00:23:32,034 You're gonna be all right, I promise. 481 00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:33,584 I love you, Dad. 482 00:23:33,638 --> 00:23:34,898 I love you too, kid. 483 00:23:34,956 --> 00:23:37,366 [Abby] It's gonna be okay. 484 00:23:38,643 --> 00:23:41,293 [Dr. Franklin] Abby, what're you thinking? 485 00:23:42,404 --> 00:23:43,924 Everything. 486 00:23:44,756 --> 00:23:46,406 I'm... 487 00:23:46,467 --> 00:23:48,217 overwhelmed by... 488 00:23:49,728 --> 00:23:51,098 everything. 489 00:23:52,731 --> 00:23:54,811 My mind is 490 00:23:56,068 --> 00:23:58,388 filled with worry all the time. 491 00:24:00,589 --> 00:24:01,999 And I just feel like my body 492 00:24:02,057 --> 00:24:05,067 and my brain just are fucking shutting down. 493 00:24:06,278 --> 00:24:08,848 Like I barely even have the energy 494 00:24:09,674 --> 00:24:13,084 to just fuckin' sit here and form words. 495 00:24:14,253 --> 00:24:17,253 Abby, how long have you been in therapy? 496 00:24:18,090 --> 00:24:19,260 Why? 497 00:24:19,274 --> 00:24:21,134 Just a question. 498 00:24:22,794 --> 00:24:23,964 I don't know... 499 00:24:24,021 --> 00:24:26,671 Thirty-five years maybe, I don't know. 500 00:24:27,266 --> 00:24:28,596 That's great. 501 00:24:28,617 --> 00:24:30,077 How is that great? 502 00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:32,642 You know what that tells me, Doctor Franklin? 503 00:24:32,697 --> 00:24:36,787 That proves to me that none of this shit is ever gonna end. 504 00:24:36,851 --> 00:24:39,851 Abby, you're not gonna like it when I tell you this. 505 00:24:40,112 --> 00:24:43,102 No, it's never gonna end. 506 00:24:43,782 --> 00:24:45,802 But the reason I asked that question 507 00:24:46,301 --> 00:24:49,361 is to try to put it in perspective for you, 508 00:24:49,622 --> 00:24:51,662 for you to take a moment 509 00:24:51,716 --> 00:24:54,986 and look back on all that work, 510 00:24:55,052 --> 00:24:56,792 all you've overcome 511 00:24:56,812 --> 00:25:00,312 to get to this moment right now. 512 00:25:00,374 --> 00:25:02,804 Because all that hard work 513 00:25:02,818 --> 00:25:04,708 -doesn't go away. -[sobs softly] 514 00:25:04,970 --> 00:25:07,340 It'll never go away. 515 00:25:08,173 --> 00:25:09,643 [siren blares] 516 00:25:09,658 --> 00:25:11,678 Yeah, so, Aly, I think that's about it. 517 00:25:11,736 --> 00:25:13,306 I did tell him, uh, 518 00:25:13,328 --> 00:25:16,458 [chuckles] that he needs to start thinking about things 519 00:25:16,682 --> 00:25:17,912 day by day, 520 00:25:17,967 --> 00:25:20,647 and you know he hated that. 521 00:25:20,669 --> 00:25:21,969 [Aly] Abby, 522 00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:24,407 I-- I want you to know how strong 523 00:25:24,473 --> 00:25:27,233 and amazing I think you are for doing this. 524 00:25:27,493 --> 00:25:31,153 Uh, well, you know I'd do anything for him. 525 00:25:32,331 --> 00:25:33,531 I know. 526 00:25:33,591 --> 00:25:34,821 Me too. 527 00:25:35,033 --> 00:25:37,163 Try and get some sleep, okay? 528 00:25:37,670 --> 00:25:38,650 Okay. 529 00:25:38,870 --> 00:25:40,580 -I love you. -I love you too. 530 00:25:40,839 --> 00:25:42,209 Bye. 531 00:25:49,881 --> 00:25:52,221 Well, fuck. 532 00:25:52,276 --> 00:25:55,926 ♪ If your pilot light should die ♪ 533 00:25:57,039 --> 00:26:00,929 ♪ Do not quake and do not bark ♪ 534 00:26:02,695 --> 00:26:05,515 ♪ You will find the spark ♪ 535 00:26:11,203 --> 00:26:14,913 ♪ If your tree should bare no fruit ♪ 536 00:26:15,891 --> 00:26:19,241 ♪ Do not worry, do not spill ♪ 537 00:26:20,638 --> 00:26:23,538 ♪ You are beautiful ♪ 538 00:26:30,055 --> 00:26:33,375 ♪ If the wind surrounds your house ♪ 539 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:38,140 ♪ Do not turn and twist about ♪ 540 00:26:40,582 --> 00:26:42,432 ♪ Just wait it out ♪ 541 00:26:42,493 --> 00:26:45,273 [harmonica playing] 542 00:26:45,323 --> 00:26:49,873 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0